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So, I've been writing this post since the 6th, and I keep losing interest, but I do have a little update on EuroGirl, which is kind of interesting. Actually quite a bit has happened, since I haven't posted in so long (tumbleweeds and crickets noted, girls).
So, where I last left this story, EuroGirl had more or less put an end to things, for the second time. I was fine with this; while I enjoyed what was going on between us (friends with benefits? F-buddy?), I couldn't take the leap to the next step, doing boyfriend type things. So I shrugged it off, tried to think of my next goal.
Fast forward to the next Friday. A lot of us have been doing happy hour around town, and happy hour usually leads to staying out until the bars close. We were at our second place (I'd asked out our waitress from the first place - she said she had a boyfriend) when she shows up - it wasn't uncomfortable or anything, and I was glad about that. We actually had a lot of fun, until she got rip-roaring drunk, which was kind of sad - I've never liked it when girls can't handle their liquor. I was keeping my distance, or at least trying, but she stumbled at me and just laid her mouth right on me - I have to admit, I didn't resist much. I did try to say things like, "We're not allowed to be doing this" and similar things, but to no avail.
I felt a sort of responsibility to her - to get her home, or to get her somewhere safe, cause she was one more drink away from falling down and passing out. Without the requisite cash for a cab and without the will to try to walk her home, I get her to my house. The trip home, in someone else's car, was ridiculous - she kept yelling about how much she wanted/needed pasta. It's got to be around 12:30 or 1am at this point - and I have no pasta in my house. Then I had to practically peel her off the grass in the front yard and get her inside; then she all but passed out in the bathroom.
Anyway, that night, nothing happened - I would never take advantage, and I'm sure all my faithful readers know that about me. The next morning, however, she was left at my house without a ride home (too far to walk); we called a mutual friend who's usually willing to give rides like these. But we hung out all morning - drank coffee, smoked cigarettes, listened to music, played cards, etc. All under the impression that we were no longer "hooking up," if you'll pardon the expression.
Don't ask me how this next part happened - I'm still a little fuzzy on it myself - but we ended up taking a mid-morning nap on my living room floor, without many clothes on. It was kind of hot, I mean temperature-wise, so maybe that's why. In hindsight, I think she was trying to seduce me. It worked.
Cut to after. I think I must've expressed some sort of "wow, we shouldn't have done that" sort of feeling, because the next thing to come out of her mouth was, "well, it's okay, cause I realized that I'm not actually into you, so it's okay if we just do it on occasion." Huh...well, that works for me, right? Isn't that exactly what I wanted? Yes, yes it is.
A little more than a week later, and we got together again to help a mutual friend move. After, he bought us pizza and beer, which turned into more beer, and watching a movie. For what it's worth, for the first time in I don't know how long, I decided to be the responsible one and stop drinking - seeing EG keep drinking made me realize she would need someone to driver her home.
So, we go to my place, and the inevitable happens. It's just our pattern - friends, alcohol, hookup. It's happened many times. The next evening was the same thing - a traditional Tuesday night trivia at a bar; this time, however, we were within walking distance to her house, and that's where we ended up (we didn't have sex that night, though, for reasons which are beyond me; I wonder if she wanted to abstain to lure me in further).
Now, before I go any further, I need to recognize that most, if not all of my readers are female, so perhaps you won't really understand where I'm coming from. Most of the girls friends I've spoken to about this don't necessarily take her side, but they certainly understand her side a lot better.
See, on both of these recent evenings, at some point I mentioned to EG other girls - someone I thought attractive, a girl who'd been flirting mercilessly with me (she was married, and that's not a good idea); the second night I opened up to her about my true feelings for her - how I found it really strange why I didn't like her more than I did, etc., all things I've said here before. Now, in hindsight, this was pretty stupid and insensitive. But remember, I'm coming from her last statements about how she wasn't into me.
But, alas, alack, she was. On Friday last, there were a bunch of us out. I didn't invite her out, for various reasons. But there she was, out! with the rest of us. And I could tell, almost from the beginning, she was pissed. She's not the type of gal who's real fun to be around when she gets this way, let me tell you. I attempted some conversation through the night, but she was having none of it.
We went to the next place, which is the type of place, at least at this time, which was packed - and seemingly with all 21-25 year-olds - not exactly my scene anymore, if it ever was. I squeezed my ass through the crowd to where our group was sitting, said hi to a few people, surveyed how long it would take me to get a drink, and decided retreat was my best option. I wasn't going to have any fun there.
So I left. (not too long a walk home). A couple blocks away and she calls - why didn't you say goodbye? Well, sorry. Goodbye! A few minutes later she calls again, and here's where the crazy started pouring out like a burst dam. Now, I realize she'd been drinking a bit, and though she didn't seem that drunk when I left, this girl does have the ability to go from zero to wasted in the blink of an eye, so I'm willing to believe that alcohol played a big part in her crazy.
Anyway, it all came pouring out - why do you tell me about other girls, why are you cold in the mornings, why didn't you tell me about tonight? It wasn't just all that, she was actually misstating the facts - e.g., don't tell me about girls you go home with (I haven't gone home with anyone but her; if I did, a) I wouldn't tell her about it, and b) I wouldn't sleep with two girls at the same time*). It just went on and on and on - but I was arguing with her too (who's the bigger fool? the fool, or the fool who argues with the fool?), in an apparent effort to try to save some of my own dignity, and to prevent being the bad guy in this whole scene.
We argues and yelled, her, I was assuming in front of the bar, me, walking down the path by the river, passing people every once in a while who probably thought I was crazy or understood exactly what was going on (a couple dudes I passed). It finally got to a point where logic wasn't getting through, and I had to dismiss the conversation. She, and perhaps both of us, needed to stop talking and give it some time. Yeah, I hung up on her, and I really didn't want to, but there was to be no resolution on that phone call.
I was supremely pissed off, which made the walk a little easier. I called some other friends, who'd been with us earlier but peeled off to go to a bar that just happened to be near my house. They were still there, so I decided to go drown my anger a little more. As I approached the place, I looked inside, and upon seeing people, I realized that being around anyone was a really bad idea. I walked home and passed out.
Actually, before passing out, I shot her one last text: "I didn't mean to hurt you; I hope you believe that." I got a return text at some point during the night that said something to the effect of, "what hurt me most was our conversation, and I initiated that." Now just what the fuck did that mean? I'm not sure, and I'm not sure I care. Her little hissy fit/drama spewing was way too over the top for me. I could handle the "I don't want to be the hookup" then hooking up; I'm not interested in "we can be physical without emotional consequences" when it's a lie.
Final thoughts? I hope EG and I can be cool again. I think it'll take some time, though. Her roommate is a good friend, and I hope she's cool to me too; I'm not terribly confident about that one. I've discussed the situation with a few people and for the most part it's been split upon gender lines - the dudes are on my side, and the ladies - even those who don't particularly like EG - understand her position a lot more than mine.
So what do y'all think? Was I an asshole? A heel? A man? That last one was said with a hint of disgust. Which is one of the more starnge things about the EG saga; it's so not who I am, who I've been. Is this me for the rest of my life? For a while? Until I find the next good thing? Huh. I've got a hell of a lot more to say about this, but frankly, it's taken a lot for me to write this, and some nudging from friends, so let me leave it here for a bit, and perhaps later I will provide some more of my thoughts and feelings on the subject.
* well, I would, but - oh, you know what I mean.
So, where I last left this story, EuroGirl had more or less put an end to things, for the second time. I was fine with this; while I enjoyed what was going on between us (friends with benefits? F-buddy?), I couldn't take the leap to the next step, doing boyfriend type things. So I shrugged it off, tried to think of my next goal.
Fast forward to the next Friday. A lot of us have been doing happy hour around town, and happy hour usually leads to staying out until the bars close. We were at our second place (I'd asked out our waitress from the first place - she said she had a boyfriend) when she shows up - it wasn't uncomfortable or anything, and I was glad about that. We actually had a lot of fun, until she got rip-roaring drunk, which was kind of sad - I've never liked it when girls can't handle their liquor. I was keeping my distance, or at least trying, but she stumbled at me and just laid her mouth right on me - I have to admit, I didn't resist much. I did try to say things like, "We're not allowed to be doing this" and similar things, but to no avail.
I felt a sort of responsibility to her - to get her home, or to get her somewhere safe, cause she was one more drink away from falling down and passing out. Without the requisite cash for a cab and without the will to try to walk her home, I get her to my house. The trip home, in someone else's car, was ridiculous - she kept yelling about how much she wanted/needed pasta. It's got to be around 12:30 or 1am at this point - and I have no pasta in my house. Then I had to practically peel her off the grass in the front yard and get her inside; then she all but passed out in the bathroom.
Anyway, that night, nothing happened - I would never take advantage, and I'm sure all my faithful readers know that about me. The next morning, however, she was left at my house without a ride home (too far to walk); we called a mutual friend who's usually willing to give rides like these. But we hung out all morning - drank coffee, smoked cigarettes, listened to music, played cards, etc. All under the impression that we were no longer "hooking up," if you'll pardon the expression.
Don't ask me how this next part happened - I'm still a little fuzzy on it myself - but we ended up taking a mid-morning nap on my living room floor, without many clothes on. It was kind of hot, I mean temperature-wise, so maybe that's why. In hindsight, I think she was trying to seduce me. It worked.
Cut to after. I think I must've expressed some sort of "wow, we shouldn't have done that" sort of feeling, because the next thing to come out of her mouth was, "well, it's okay, cause I realized that I'm not actually into you, so it's okay if we just do it on occasion." Huh...well, that works for me, right? Isn't that exactly what I wanted? Yes, yes it is.
A little more than a week later, and we got together again to help a mutual friend move. After, he bought us pizza and beer, which turned into more beer, and watching a movie. For what it's worth, for the first time in I don't know how long, I decided to be the responsible one and stop drinking - seeing EG keep drinking made me realize she would need someone to driver her home.
So, we go to my place, and the inevitable happens. It's just our pattern - friends, alcohol, hookup. It's happened many times. The next evening was the same thing - a traditional Tuesday night trivia at a bar; this time, however, we were within walking distance to her house, and that's where we ended up (we didn't have sex that night, though, for reasons which are beyond me; I wonder if she wanted to abstain to lure me in further).
Now, before I go any further, I need to recognize that most, if not all of my readers are female, so perhaps you won't really understand where I'm coming from. Most of the girls friends I've spoken to about this don't necessarily take her side, but they certainly understand her side a lot better.
See, on both of these recent evenings, at some point I mentioned to EG other girls - someone I thought attractive, a girl who'd been flirting mercilessly with me (she was married, and that's not a good idea); the second night I opened up to her about my true feelings for her - how I found it really strange why I didn't like her more than I did, etc., all things I've said here before. Now, in hindsight, this was pretty stupid and insensitive. But remember, I'm coming from her last statements about how she wasn't into me.
But, alas, alack, she was. On Friday last, there were a bunch of us out. I didn't invite her out, for various reasons. But there she was, out! with the rest of us. And I could tell, almost from the beginning, she was pissed. She's not the type of gal who's real fun to be around when she gets this way, let me tell you. I attempted some conversation through the night, but she was having none of it.
We went to the next place, which is the type of place, at least at this time, which was packed - and seemingly with all 21-25 year-olds - not exactly my scene anymore, if it ever was. I squeezed my ass through the crowd to where our group was sitting, said hi to a few people, surveyed how long it would take me to get a drink, and decided retreat was my best option. I wasn't going to have any fun there.
So I left. (not too long a walk home). A couple blocks away and she calls - why didn't you say goodbye? Well, sorry. Goodbye! A few minutes later she calls again, and here's where the crazy started pouring out like a burst dam. Now, I realize she'd been drinking a bit, and though she didn't seem that drunk when I left, this girl does have the ability to go from zero to wasted in the blink of an eye, so I'm willing to believe that alcohol played a big part in her crazy.
Anyway, it all came pouring out - why do you tell me about other girls, why are you cold in the mornings, why didn't you tell me about tonight? It wasn't just all that, she was actually misstating the facts - e.g., don't tell me about girls you go home with (I haven't gone home with anyone but her; if I did, a) I wouldn't tell her about it, and b) I wouldn't sleep with two girls at the same time*). It just went on and on and on - but I was arguing with her too (who's the bigger fool? the fool, or the fool who argues with the fool?), in an apparent effort to try to save some of my own dignity, and to prevent being the bad guy in this whole scene.
We argues and yelled, her, I was assuming in front of the bar, me, walking down the path by the river, passing people every once in a while who probably thought I was crazy or understood exactly what was going on (a couple dudes I passed). It finally got to a point where logic wasn't getting through, and I had to dismiss the conversation. She, and perhaps both of us, needed to stop talking and give it some time. Yeah, I hung up on her, and I really didn't want to, but there was to be no resolution on that phone call.
I was supremely pissed off, which made the walk a little easier. I called some other friends, who'd been with us earlier but peeled off to go to a bar that just happened to be near my house. They were still there, so I decided to go drown my anger a little more. As I approached the place, I looked inside, and upon seeing people, I realized that being around anyone was a really bad idea. I walked home and passed out.
Actually, before passing out, I shot her one last text: "I didn't mean to hurt you; I hope you believe that." I got a return text at some point during the night that said something to the effect of, "what hurt me most was our conversation, and I initiated that." Now just what the fuck did that mean? I'm not sure, and I'm not sure I care. Her little hissy fit/drama spewing was way too over the top for me. I could handle the "I don't want to be the hookup" then hooking up; I'm not interested in "we can be physical without emotional consequences" when it's a lie.
Final thoughts? I hope EG and I can be cool again. I think it'll take some time, though. Her roommate is a good friend, and I hope she's cool to me too; I'm not terribly confident about that one. I've discussed the situation with a few people and for the most part it's been split upon gender lines - the dudes are on my side, and the ladies - even those who don't particularly like EG - understand her position a lot more than mine.
So what do y'all think? Was I an asshole? A heel? A man? That last one was said with a hint of disgust. Which is one of the more starnge things about the EG saga; it's so not who I am, who I've been. Is this me for the rest of my life? For a while? Until I find the next good thing? Huh. I've got a hell of a lot more to say about this, but frankly, it's taken a lot for me to write this, and some nudging from friends, so let me leave it here for a bit, and perhaps later I will provide some more of my thoughts and feelings on the subject.
* well, I would, but - oh, you know what I mean.
5 comments:
Well, I guess I am not much of a "lady" because I totally see your side. You told her what you wanted, she told you what she wanted, but then she kept putting the moves on you. I think you are in the clear. As a side note though, I don't know her (or at least I think I don't). If I did, and she was a friend, it may have changed my opinion.
And a completely different subject...ready for classes to start? Me neither. It is going to be weird, I don't have any classes with you or Mir and I am very sad about that. :(
You probably don't know her - yet (wonder why? oh yeah, you never go out). I'm so glad to hear that someone (especially a woman!) is on my side on this one. More than a few women have told me that, though they are my friends, they kind of understand her side.
3rd year going to be a bit different, huh? I don't think I have any classes with Mir either. Sadness.
I think I'm on your side, too. Only because I disapprove of the crazy. It demeans us all when women get all dramatic and yell-y like that with a guy who is not their partner.
You life is so much more thrilling than mine. Your posts make me yearn for the kind of sexually-charged drama. Wow.
Hope to see you around school soon. Our final year!
Well, nice to hear from you again! I'm surprised I didn't see you more often this summer.
If you want sexually charged drama, stay tuned for the next blog post. I kinda have a date tonight.
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