- Ride it out
- Make a fuss
- Have a heart-to-heart
- Ignore her until she makes some effort
- Play hard to get
- Any other option you may think of
I've been doing a funny thing lately, where I assume her non-committal nature (that's a kind way of putting it) is due to my overpowering awesomeness, and she has to ignore me or she'll get so swept up in me that she won't be able to think of anything else. It gets me through the day.
eta: my willpower is poor and I called her last night. I think I'm just not on her radar, frankly. No, it doesn't feel good. I'm crafting the opening of my goodbye; what's left is the timing.
eta again: You know, I just realized that it's like 3 weeks until the bar exam. Can I hold out that long? CPP's really really bad at hiding or handling her stress. So on one hand, it's only going to get worse. On the other, it'll be "over" relatively soon. Huh, I just don't know what to do.
11 comments:
Think of it as a dance, if you step to close to your partner, you'll step on her feet. If she steps to close, she'll step on your feet. But either way, you're moving back and forth.
Time for a freezing shoulder. Give her a chance to step toward you.
No calling, no hanging out, etc. Do something with your friends or by yourself. In 2-3 days time, she'll likely be on your case.
Well, I think what I'm afraid of, and frankly what I'm expecting, is that she won't be on my case. That she won't step toward me.
I do things with friends, I spend time alone (and need said time); research project just started, law review stuff is in full swing, so I've got things to keep me busy.
I just need a little more from her. Not a ton, not any sort of commitment, just a little more.
But, I think, I hope, I'm resolved not to do or say anything drastic until at least next week.
I think we should go with Operation Ignore. If she likes you she will come around. If not, then you can move on knowing you didn't have to bend over backwards to make it work.
In order to ensure the maximum success of this mission, may I suggest a breathalyzer for your laptop? Merely as a preventative measure, of course.
Laugh! Some are drunk-dialers, some are drunk-texters, I am a notorious drunk-e-mailer. Sad, I know.
Ok, then Operation Ignore is off and running.
No! Don't play games! No no no! If you do x and hope she'll do z, something will usually get left out, and you'll wonder "y." Hee hee. I just made that up. OK, enough of clever me.
Here are the tasks:
1. Your job is to figure out in concrete terms what you would like to see from her. This is THE MOST important part of this whole process. It's about knowing yourself and your needs in a relationship.
2. Communicate it clearly to her. Sweetly, gently, as in "Gosh, I like you. I like spending time with you. It would mean the world to me if you would call me before Friday and let me know what you think we should do this weekend [insert your own timeframe here]. That way it would really show me that you enjoy me, too [insert your own much cooler language here]." Nothing global, nothing huge... baby steps. Keep it casual.
3. Sit back and wait nervously. When she does call (and I bet she will), REWARD HER with everything she wants for that day.
4. Call your sister and dish about everything.
Oh, yeah. And stop freaking out.
Stop freaking out - I think that should be step 1! Really, why do I obsess about this shit? I suppose it's part of what makes me so awesome, right? But it's annoying.
Good talk today. I still really haven't decided what to do about this. Maybe somewhere between Operation Ignore and Operation Talk to Her in Concrete Terms. We'll see.
Oh you!!! I am sorry I'm such a slackass. I want to take this CPP girl and knock some sense into her.
I will email you.
Jesse Star
Amy has offered you some solid advice: Don’t play games. Period. We all know mind games are childish and ineffective, so I’d recommend against them as well. That said, you can control your own mind. While it might not be the best advice for the moment, becoming less infatuated with this girl (who thinks of you much more of as a friend than a love interest), will make you happier in the end.
So how do you become less infatuated with her? Spend less time thinking about her and chasing after her. Spending time together at the natural intersections of your lives will probably feel more normal and be more rewarding, even if less frequent.
To achieve that, I’d go with ignore-her-for-a-specified-period-of-time approach. Clearly, you can’t ignore her forever. That might just be saying goodbye to a good friend, but as you’re realized, if you don’t set a time frame in which you are not going to call her, you’ll probably be on the phone in a couple of hours.
So, give it a week. A real week. I say, don’t call her or come up to her at the bar/library/courthouse etc. until the run next Thursday (the 12th). If she calls you before then, great. Go make a baby. If not, play it cool when you talk to her after the run. And not because you’re playing a game, but because you’re starting to think of her more as a friend than a future wife. If she thinks you’ll be there forever – no matter how poorly she treats you – she won’t have any urgency to make the relationship any more involved. Maybe a change in your attitude will make her realize she could lose you, and she’ll step it up, but if she’s unaffected by the week hiatus, I think you’re looking at more of a friend than a girlfriend.
Alright, I realize this sounds a little preachy and Dr. Phil-ish. Sorry about that part. She’ll probably call you tomorrow morning looking to cuddle while watching the fireworks. So go for it. And make babies.
Sweet, I cant help but notice that you have all these wonderful females around you becuase of the man you are (this is not just ego stroking, but an actual building to a point, I swear)
It just seems to me that the more you conform to what she wants, i.e. the no public displays, yada yada, the ruder she behaves toward you. And is it me, or does she play nice when you start to blow her off? Could it be her subconsciously loosing respect?
Now back to what I started with...you attract because of who you are, she likes you because of how you are, I just dont believe you should allow the stresses shes under to set the tone of your relationship.
Granted these observations are strickly from the blog here, and could be completly wrong- so forgive me if it is and comes off harsh.
Hugs and such
SS
Hi, Jesse! Hope you're doing well... how are you babies?
I have kept my opinions to myself about this CPP out of loyalty to you but sheesh! It sounds like she's the one who's playing games.
It also sounds like maybe it's just not a good time for a relationship for her, with all she's got going on. Under different circumstances maybe things would be different?
The bottom line is, you are far too fabulous to be treated this way. It makes me want to come out there and pull her hair.
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